Very Belated Christmas Secret
by black-n-white-stockings
Summary: Iruka has a little secret, and Kakashi will stop at nothing to find it out. Beware of the crack! And introducing the.... If I were Sasuke game. Reviews adored and admired! kakairuk now with Sasunaru hints!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own the rights to anything, much less Naruto.

A/N: this was written for the lovely and talented Miali. This section was in fact printed out and given to her before Christmas came, but the rest of the world it seems will have to read this as an either belated story or an uber early one. Take your pick. I really don't mind either way. Beware of future crack.

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Iruka avoided the inquisitive, slightly lecherous stare of the jounin to his left. He leaned over his bowl of ramen and attempted to use the steam coming off the food as an excuse to why he was blushing so hard. Kakashi reached over his kitchen table and grabbed Iruka's chin, gently forcing the chuunin's eyes to meet his own. Iruka made a futile effort to keep his eyes on the table cloth, but this was his Kakashi he was dealing with, and he slowly gave in. His looked into Kakashi's one visible eye and smiled.

"Yes?" Iruka tried to pretend he hadn't been muttering to himself, or that he had known Kakashi was there the whole time. Iruka could just tell from looking at the man across the small table that underneath the mask, Kakashi was smiling. The miscreant.

"What was that you were saying? Ne?"

Iruka shrugged casually and finished his noodles calmly.

Kakashi stared Iruka's pony-tail down. He would've stared at the man face, but that was hidden from view since Iruka had gotten up and turned around rather quickly.

"Secret keeping is never nice, but considering the holiday season…." Kakashi quietly rose from his chair and snuck up behind Iruka. Iruka was so focused on washing the dishes for whatever reason that he didn't notice the older man's advance.

Suddenly, two strong arms wrapped themselves around Iruka's middle and Kakashi's breath was tickling Iruka's poor defenseless ears.

"It's even less nice." You could hear the frown in Kakashi's voice. "So…..what were you muttering to yourself that caused you to blush…?" Iruka felt Kakashi's face mask against his cheek. "Like that?"

Kakashi pointedly commented at the rouge that had somehow managed to tint Iruka's cheeks yet again.

"Ah, err, well nothing much. I think I was just thinking about how nice the Kwanza season was…." Iruka knew that both men could obviously tell this was a lie. He mentally slapped himself as he put the dishes away and dried his hands. Iruka didn't even celebrate Kwanza; he didn't know the first thing about it. Kakashi knew that too.

"You don't celebrate Kwanza. You leave cookies out for Santa Claus…"

Iruka slipped out of Kakashi's arms and busied himself as he got ready to teach the morning's class.

"Oh, no? Really….well, thank you for reminding me."

Iruka looked up at Kakashi and immediately wished he hadn't. The jounin's curious eyes were piercing. Iruka fumbled with whatever was in his hands.

"I wouldn't mind getting cookies from you on nights I visit, you know." Kakashi subtly poked at Iruka's words. It was obvious he wasn't going to let this go anytime soon. Iruka told himself if he didn't leave now, he'd be late for class.

"Seriously….I was just muttering. Don't worry about it." The door to the residence shut soundly as Iruka made his not-so-ninja escape. Kakashi was left to stare at the inside of the door. He silently peered at the door handle where Iruka's hand had been not seconds earlier, and pondered.

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" So, I'm thinking he doesn't want to tell me anything because he was planning either my Christmas gifts or he's too embarrassed to thank me for the royal treatment I gave him last ni-" Kakashi was cut short by an overly enthusiastic hand to his face.

"ETERNAL RIVAL. I HAVE AGREED TO LISTEN AND HELP BECAUSE THAT MEANS YOU ADMIT MY SUPERIOR SKILLS, BUT I DO NOT WISH TO LEARN OF YOUR NOCTURNAL ACTIVITIES!"

Kakashi stared blandly at Gai's eyebrows, wondering how anyone could concentrate on what he was saying while they were up on his face dancing, as Gai expressed himself in every movement possible.

"You've got it wrong. I'm just thinking out loud. You're the one who saw me, sitting by myself, and decided to invite yourself into the conversation. I never asked for your help. Trust me, I have a brain."

The harsh, clear modern truths spewing from Kakashi's mouth were too great for Gai. He recoiled in his rival's glowing brightness. Kakashi marked his place in the orange book of love, and set it down on the counter top. Outside the soft snow began to fall.

"What are you doing?"

"REVELING IN THE POWERFUL WORDS, MY ETERNAL RIVAL."

Kakashi blinked several times, shook his head and went back to his book. Gai's logic was beyond his mentally healthy comprehension and besides, he had more important things to worry about. He had made it his mission to, in any way possible, to get Iruka to confess what it was he had been mumbling. The chuunin had just been way too pleased with himself as he mumbled earlier that morning, and Kakashi's stubborn side wanted to know why. He had a sneaking suspicion that he had somehow been included in Iruka's rambles.

"AHA! THE FACT THAT YOU CAN IGNORE ME PROVES YOU ARE TRULY WORTHY OF BEING MY RIVAL!''

Kakashi didn't even bother to gaze up from his book. Lazily he asked Gai,

"Gai, don't you have little boys to stalk?"

Not surprisingly, Gai shot up from where he had been crouching and posed. He looked to and fro determinedly. After several minutes of this, he paused, confused. Looking down at Kakashi, who was still comfortably reading, Gai wondered if he could help him.

"I WONDER IF YOU CAN HELP ME!"

"…….yeah…..?"

"YES! I AM WONDERING IF YOU KNOW WHERE MY STUDENT IS!"

Kakashi sighed, the chapters of his book having been ruined by the unrelenting assault of Gai's presence. He took his time responding. Gai stood there waiting as if no time passed at all. Really, some one needed to drain that man of his energy.

"If you mean Lee, the last time I saw him he was with Naruto and Sakura. I think they were playing the "if I were Sasuke" game. I have no clue where the other two are."

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. I WILL NOW SEARCH THEM OUT AND GUIDE THEM IN LIFE." Gai stated proudly and promptly ran off.

Kakashi smiled contently to himself and nodded to his book.

"Best of luck with that." As Kakashi went back to reading his novel, he found he had the same dilemma he had been struggling with earlier. He was so intent on discovering what Iruka had said, that he could no longer concentrate on anything else for very long. Things like this had happened before, but never had anything come between him and his books.

This both disturbed Kakashi and intrigued him all the more. If his instincts were this bent on unraveling the mystery of the dolphin's words, the secret must be very good indeed. Kakashi closed his book with a clap. He paid the fee for his glass of eggnog and left. He was now on a mission. And nothing was going to come between him and Iruka. Santa be dammed.

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Yeah, this is late and all, but pretend it's still the christmas season with me. Actually, i guess it's the christmas season until the three kings arrive and what not. Oh well, i love reviews! And happy New Year too! xD Go check out Miali's work. She's a bajillion times better than I at writing.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sad but true, I don't own Naruto, and that makes me blue.

A/N: This was originally intended to be completed before the season was over, but I fail yet again. Actually, I completely fail all together. This took me way too long to post. I really am too lazy to be a writer. I'm better at beta'ing! And I have no clue where the storyline ends and the crack starts. xD Oh, and the "if I were Sasuke" game is all me. And keep in mind this was supposed to be a x-mas fic, so the Iruka part here is festive. Almost.

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Iruka's hand paused over the chalk board and he turned around slowly. His class looked back at him without interest. Most of the students hadn't even noticed their Sensei had stopped writing about today's ninja art. If someone had cared enough to count, a good half of the children were gazing dreamily into nothing, while another handful of ninja-wanna-be's flicked green and red notes across the room. The few that had actually bothered to pay attention looked as if not succumbing to the powers of the holiday season was a straining activity.

The teacher chunin sighed deeply and closed his lesson book. Resting both hands on his desk, Iruka leaned forward and addressed his class.

"I understand it's the last few days of classes before the break, but can't anyone focus! At all?"

The class looked at him unconcerned. Most of them could tell he wanted to leave just as much as they did.

Iruka sighed heavily again. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to let out early today." He was cut off by the cries of victory from the peanut gallery that was his class. Iruka tried to regain control, yelling out that they better not forget to do their work for next class, but he knew it was a lost cause. The kids streamed out of the classroom with record speed, some finding jumping out the window was quicker than pushing out the door. Iruka laughed to himself and sunk into his chair.

He began to put his teaching plans away, when someone knocked on his door. Iruka bid them enter, and quickly finished up, placing a small list into his breast pocket.

The door slid open smoothly. Iruka glanced up and smiled.

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Several genin and the youngest chunin of the village of the leaf gathered around the large kitchen table. They looked from one to the other, all apparently waiting in heavy, tension filled silence for something to happen. This unspoken stalemate continued for quite some time. Some, like Naruto and Lee seemed to be deep in thought while others, mainly Shikamaru, stared longingly out the window at the passing clouds.

The stillness around the spacious Uchiha table was broken as Lee began the latest round of the ninja's game.

"If I were Sasuke, I'd train to be the strongest ninja of the village!"

The ninjas around the table groaned collectively. "No, Lee. The point of the game is to take advantage of the Uchiha's massive amounts of talent, power, looks and cash and do something you can't normally do." Kiba barked. Somewhere at the other end of the table, a troubled Shikamaru sighed heavily.

Neji took the opportunity of the pause and tried his hand at the game. "If I were Sasuke, I would take advantage of the fact that I actually looked like a guy." Everyone nodded in general approval.

"See?" Kiba jerked a thumb in Neji's general direction. "Like that Lee." Akamaru yipped in agreement.

"….I wasn't being serious." Neji looked up and down the table at his peers. "Do I really look like a woman to you?"

Shikamaru sighed again, watching as the clouds freely drifted along in the sky. "Such a troublesome game."

"YOU'RE TURN IS OVER NEJI!" Naruto shouted excitedly. "My turn! If I was Sas-UKE, I'd put on a frilly pink dress, wear my hair like an emo and run around the village proclaiming my devotion to me, Naruto!"

There was the stunned silence you'd expect after a response like this from the table's guests. Shino appeared to be stifling a laugh, but no one could really tell what was going on past the glasses and cloth. Such a mysterious person.

It was right about then that Sasuke returned home from grocery shopping, only to find a gathering of uninvited guests crowding around his dinner table. Calmly putting the bags he had been carrying down on a counter, Sasuke turned around to yell at them for yet again breaking into his house to use it as some kind of club house. But he never got to yelling. His train of thought was completely derailed by Naruto's continuation of the game Sasuke had unfortunately become quite familiar with.

"And then I'd sneak into my, Naruto's, bedroom after the rest of the village went to sleep, where I'd-" In a movement so fast no one quite caught, Sasuke had his hands clamped firmly over Naruto's mouth. He glared at his peers for a second and forcefully dragged a confused orange-clad ninja into another room.

Everyone else watched on knowingly. Minus Lee, who didn't catch on to anything. But at least he was taking notes.

Sakura began to mutter to herself. "That's just stupid Naruto…" Ino nodded in concurrence. Chouji grunted from behind his bag of chips.

"You're just jealous Sakura. Besides, yours wouldn't be any better." Kiba and Akamaru nodded in unison. Lee passionately wrote notes on everything. He was determined to win. Shino pulled the silent mystery man. Shikamaru shook his head to himself. He could never understand women.

"How do you know?" She replied smartly.

"You'd just say that if you were Sasuke, you'd stop denying your feelings and go out with Sakura. Am I right?"

Sakura blushed deeply and hung her head in defeat. The munching sound of chips grew louder. The embarrassment only lasted a few seconds before she sprang up and pummeled the life out of the spherical ninja. Akamaru snickered.

Lee, quite oblivious to his surroundings, suddenly looked up from his notebook and addressed both ninjas seated across from him. "How does one win this game of 'If I were Sasuke' anyways?" Neji and Hinata looked at each other in silence. Then Hinata's gaze shifted to her lap and it was quietly decided that Neji would be the one to explain.

"Well, it's all about honor. Once you make an 'If I were Sasuke' statement, you can't withdraw it. Then, at the end of the round, who ever has the most exciting, out-of-character and usually craziest idea wins."

"Aha! So it is an honor to win!" Lee struck the good-guy pose and reveled in the thought of such honor. "Then Naruto must be very honorable by now."

Neji looked at Lee for a moment as if the green spandex ninja had three heads. "Do you even pay attention at all? There's a catch to winning, a way to keep people from just saying outrageous things they'd never follow through with. The winner has to actually carry out what they said they'd do." Hinata's blush consumed her entire face and she nearly fainted at the thought of some of the things Naruto had gone through with in the past.

Lee nodded feverously as he began to truly understand the game. He jotted down something in his notebook and looked peeked under the table to see Ino finally pull Sakura off of the now flattened Chouji. The room quieted again. Ten-ten looked up and down the table for a moment, apparently counting the members of the game. "Well, if we keep going in this order Hinata's next. You got anything today?"

Slowly, all eyes found their way to Hinata's face. Their attention was so oppressive that Konoha's shyest ninja suddenly found it very hard to inhale correctly. Kiba noticed this and began to wave wildly to divert eyes away from the girl whose face was nearing purple. Shikamaru, Shino, Ten-ten and Neji all caught on. Chouji was still on the floor, chip grease smeared all over his face. Lee and the others watched on stupidly as Hinata's air-supply dried up.

Right as Kiba jumped across the table to dive on Lee in order get his message through, Sasuke once again graced the kitchen with his presence. Suspiciously, Naruto was absent. All Sasuke needed to see was Kiba on top of Lee to decide his patience was gone and now was the time to order an evacuation of his home. Never mind Hinata passed out on the floor, Chouji closing in on death, or Shikamaru looking as if his brain-cells were all committing seppuku.

Begrudgingly, the young ninjas began to stand up and leave. Shikamaru and Ino each grabbed on of Chouji's arms and dragged him out with them. Neji slung his cousin over his shoulder and quietly left. Everyone else left in somewhat of a normal manner for ninjas. Everyone except Lee of course. He had questions. Sasuke had answers.

"Where is Naruto? You took him with you….did he already leave?"

"Uh, yeah. He left already. Why?" No one but those who wear spandex regularly could fall for the Uchiha's weak lie. Luckily for Sasuke, Lee was one of those few.

"Oho? He said we could all go out for ramen." Lee paused, and then added enthusiastically, "He told me you would pay! Is he already there!'

"Yeah, that's exactly where Naruto is Lee. In fact, he told me he was going to save us really good seats. Don't keep him waiting though! You better go now Lee. It's not very ninja to be late."

"But your sensei is always…"

"That's totally different."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes, yes it is." Sasuke held back a sigh. "Lee, just go now. Please." Lee nodded, posed and left in a furry of leaves. Sasuke examined the minor damages to his home and shook his head. He slowly turned his attention upwards, to the muffled sounds coming from the direction of his room.

It sounded almost like someone tied up in a closet…or on a bed? The world may never know.

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A/n: Meh…I can't decide if I liked that or not. Wow, this x-mas/winter fic will be longer than I had thought. Maybe it'll be done by next Christmas. Comments are loved. All kinds welcomed.


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